I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
