The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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