I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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