So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who died my cat blue again?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
