I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
