xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
