Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
