But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
