used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
