Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
