I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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