we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
