Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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