forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
