i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
