Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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