I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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