the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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