You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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