Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
