I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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