Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
