hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize