He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
