What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
