Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
