i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
