Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
