First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
