Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
