Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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