just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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