Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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