Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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