i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
