Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
