I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
