Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
