i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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