I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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