You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
