Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
