nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
