Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
