the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
