i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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