I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
