Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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