Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
