Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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