the condom got lost in my hair
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize