found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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