about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
