rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Everclear isn't food dammit
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
