I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Everclear isn't food dammit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
