Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
