accomplished twins. life is a go
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
