i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
