I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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