I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
