So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
