We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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