i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
