Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
