I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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