people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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