Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
