so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
