How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
