I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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