He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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