i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
