were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
