We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
