Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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