Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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