no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
