I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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