i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
