there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
