I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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