whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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