all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
