I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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