so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize