She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
