Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize