I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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