Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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