Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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