WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
