My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
