i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
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