He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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