Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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