Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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