OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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