just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
