At least make sure they are 18
Why
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
