i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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