Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
