you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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