There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
