im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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