he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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