i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I looked at my own cervix.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
