My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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