So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
