yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
