The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
