Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
